I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I love you. Go after that dick
I have tasted many bathrooms
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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