I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Randomize
