why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
