u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize