I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
