I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
