she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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