Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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