if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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