I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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