oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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