It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
