Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
