I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
