someone threw a dead crab at me
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
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