like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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