You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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