i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
