i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i think i have two assholes
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
