so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
