So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
