she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Come share oat with me in your robe
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
