He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
