In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
