I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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