he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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