I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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