Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
