I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
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