I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
