I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
