They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Someone shattered a urinal.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
