All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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