You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
