I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
