when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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