so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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