What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
