You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
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