how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
