Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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