Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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