new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
i think i just lost a toe
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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