I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
