Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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