At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
