Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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