That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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