tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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