Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
It's never too late to be topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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