First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
