i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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