saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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