He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
