I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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