Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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