Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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