You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
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Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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