ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
