dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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