I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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