After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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