This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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