MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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