If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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