SEEEEXXX PLEASE
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
