Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
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