I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
So I just went to clothing optional bar
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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