I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
