does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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