I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
