you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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