____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
