i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
