$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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