The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize