Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
