I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
