Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
