I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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