i just made my gag reflex go away.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
