I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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