I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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