swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
