How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
