My hand turned me down
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
