i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
