Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
